40

August first is my 40th birthday.  Moving into 2019, I made it my goal to hit 40 feeling awesome, at least physically.  No diets, no scale, no strict workout routine.  Instead, I promised myself that I would try to move my body every day. ​

While I’ll admit that I’m kind of limping over the finish line with two toenails about to fall off, a skinned knee and a sore shoulder from my latest bicycle wreck, I am feeling healthy, fit and happy.  I’m blessed to live in a place where there is no shortage of insanely fit people with whom to ski, trail run, mountain bike or rock climb.  And even though I’m mainly there for the hot tub, you can even catch me doing bicep curls at the gym once in a while.

I am filled with gratitude for my first 40 years on this precious planet.  I am thankful for every single moment, good and bad, that have landed me in this spot.  My Gosh, I am one lucky girl. 

​I love these mountains.  I can’t believe I get to live in this magical place with a wonderful man and amazing dogs.  My body is healthy enough to allow me to go wherever my legs may take me.  Summits, lakes, streams, trails, meadows, wildflowers and snowflakes are my religion.
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I didn’t need a lesson on appreciating each day and living in the moment, but the universe decided to give me one anyway on October 25, 2016 when my husband passed away in a climbing accident. After surviving the initial shock, anger, depression, anxiety and general hell that was my life for that first year, I can look back and honestly say that I am better for having gone through that, even grateful for it.  What a strange thing, I know, to feel gratitude for a loss of this magnitude.  I believe our highest highs are directly proportionate to our lowest lows.  I know what it feels like to be in the fetal position, sobbing on the bathroom floor mid panic attack at 2 am.

Those dark moments are a stark contrast to my current reality.  These days Indian Paintbrush in that perfect shade of reddish-pink seem to jump out of the hillsides to greet me.  The sweet vanilla-caramel smell of a Ponderosa Pine is richer now.  I savor the sound of a quaking aspen grove or the cool spray of a waterfall like never before.

I live and love differently now.  I don’t get my panties in a bundle over the little things, but I also know how to stand up for myself and make my opinions heard.  It has taken me these entire forty years to really come into my own.  I feel strong, smart and beautiful.  I feel confident enough to strip down to my skivvies and jump into an alpine lake without thinking twice about how my body might look.  I love my scars, my freckled shoulders, my tanned legs and white belly.  I’ve learned to love my body for what it can do instead of for the way that it looks.

Rather than an extravagant trip or big celebration, I plan to spend my 40th birthday hiking with my girlfriends in Wild Basin.  There’s nothing I’d rather do and no place I’d rather be!

I’ve shed a lot of tears over the fact that my husband can’t be here for my special day, but in the same moments I am so grateful that I have such an ​amazing boyfriend who wants to share this chapter in my life.  I have no idea how I got so lucky.
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There are not words to thank every single person with whom I’ve crossed paths in these last 40 years, especially my fellow mountain women!!!  Here’s to the next 40 years of loving these mountains, loving myself and embracing the ups and downs, as I’m sure there will be many more!

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